DIAPERS FOR WIMPS
Your Baby Wets:
Nowadays - You know it because the disposable diaper is heavy and squishy.
Back then - You know it because pee is leaking out of your baby's cloth diaper, running down his legs, and soaking your own clothes.
DIAPERS FOR BRAVEHEARTS
Your Baby Poops:
Nowadays - You change him by pulling the disposable diaper off as quickly as possible, wiping his bottom with pre-moistened, nicely scented disposable baby wipes as fast as you can, roll it all up into a nice little stink bomb and toss it into a conveniently airtight diaper genie which locks in all the noxious fumes. The process takes approximately one minute, in which you can hold your breath, only having to come up for air once. You wash your hands and you're done.
Back then -You change him by gathering the needed equipment while pee and poop are leaking out of the baby's diaper and rubber pants. You will need a pair of nose plugs or a gas mask ('cause this won't be quick), a towel to place under the baby to keep poop off the furniture, a warm washcloth (real terrycloth, not disposable) with which to wipe his little bottom, a pair of huge diaper pins, a clean cloth diaper (folded to fit the size of your baby's hiney), and a clean pair of rubber pants. You put on your protective nose gear, place the baby on a towel, unfasten the clothes pins and put them aside (outside the baby's reach), hold your breath, open the diaper, clean the baby from belly button to toes`with the washcloth that you hope is still warm. Quickly wrangle the little wiggler and wrap him up in his custom-folded clean cloth diaper, run the baby pin through your hair to oil it a little bit (or you'll never get it to pierce the thick cotton diaper), pin that diaper together tightly, pull on the rubber pants, place the baby in his playpen or crib and move on to phase two......
The POOPY TORTURE CHAMBER.
This is the part of the process where you take the cloth diaper and the washcloth to the toilet and dip it up and down in the toilet bowl until all the turds are off the fabric and afloat, trying not to gag and sputter as you work.You flush the john, hoping you don't accidentally let the diaper and washcloth go down the hatch, and then make your way to the washing machine for the final steps of sterilizing the diapers for their next use.
Oh, the unexplainable joy of having disposal diapers on the scene before my children came along in the nineties! The massive loads of laundry have been reduced, not to mention the drastic reduction in gags and sputters. Thank you, Lord, for things disposable....We are surely blessed!
Your 'nowadays' and 'back then' examples crack me up! I changed my first diapers in the 70's too. Step siblings, a newborn nephew, an older niece who should have been trained, and at the homes of two mothers in the neighborhood that lived shouting distance of where I lived. Big cotton sheet squares, gigantic oversized color capped diaper pins, and white rubber pants with pink poop stains around the elastic leg holes. Stepping up to the plate to remove rubber pants was the easiest part, the remainder of the job was ewwwy! Diapers so wet the cloth was drenched to the pins, and don't dare lift the lid of the diaper pail without first turning away! With kid kicking and crying and unhappy as heck, fold together two clean diapers, lift kid by ankles, smooth diaper under his bottom, place open pin in mouth between lips, gather up back corner of diaper together with front while overlapping back over front, insert pin and latch! Repeat same for other side. Rubber pants one foot at a time. Roll rubber pants up like pantyhose to prevent baby's feet from getting lost and hung up inside, stretch elastic leg holes over sticky feet, tug rubber pants firmly up kids legs using tight firm grip of waistband, complete job by pulling and tugging rubber pants over bulky diapers by using a repetitive back and forth, front to back movement to shimmy pants over baby's bottom! Tuck any remaining diaper padding poking out at the waist and legs inside rubber pants. Good for another hour!
ReplyDeleteJane